Alan Findley: Friendly advice for all you married men
February 11, 2009
Saturday is Valentine’s Day, as most of you know. As we also know, it is sometimes a day we forget about until the morning of Valentine’s Day when we can be found congregating en masse around the flower stands and in the greeting card aisles.
Although we mean well, we often let this day slip by as a passing inconvenience and forget that for many of our wives and significant others this is a special day.
One thing to remember is that most women, my wife included, find this a very special day indeed. Women see the world through a different set of lenses than men. For a woman, the world is felt much more than it is observed visually. A card with a hand written note means a great deal to your significant other. It says that you spent a few minutes thinking about something to say and you took the time to write it down. Men, on the other hand, find cards as a nice gesture, but for the most part they don’t really do anything for us. Don’t assume this is true for your wife.
Second, flowers communicate the same message that a hand written note or card provides. Flowers say that you took time out of your day to carefully pick out a gift just for her. Flowers say so much more than a tool set, impact wrench or gas-powered leaf blower on Valentine’s Day. It says that you knew what her favorite color and types of flowers are (you know the answer to that question…right?) and that you cared enough about her to go out of your way during your busy day to find a gift that was special for her. Again, it’s about the time you spent to select a gift for her and not about the amount of money you spent.
Are you picking up a theme here?
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For your wife (or significant other), your investment of time is what means the most to her. She spends her day thinking of others, sending birthday and anniversary cards, calling people to see how they are doing, picking out thoughtful gifts for you and your children, making dinners and lunches. You’ve got to speak her language if you are intent on making this a special day for your wife. Find those things that mean something special to her and take the initiative to plan a special day for her.
Here’s a suggestion. Plan a dinner for her. Pickup the flowers and card in advance, write a thoughtful message to tell her how you feel about her and how much she means to you. Arrange the babysitter without her knowing. Schedule the dinner reservations, tell her what time to be ready and surprise her with a wonderful evening that is focused and designed around her. She will never forget it. Not to mention she will wonder if you were abducted by aliens or received a blow to head.
Sometimes I’ve found that the best way to get the creative juices flowing is to see an example of what someone else might write to their wife (not all men are good with words). So here is what I will write for my wife. This year, I’m going to write a very simple note with five things that I think are special and unique about her. It will read something like this:
My Dearest Wife,
Thank you for the many years we have been together and for the unconditional love you have given me. I knew from the moment I saw you, 25 years ago, you would be the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. I want you to know that you are special to me in so many ways, but these are the most important.
– You are a blessing to everyone you touch with your laughter and your smile.
– Your joy for life is contagious and it gives me an example to follow.
– You are the mother every child wishes they could have; warm and loving, thoughtful and bright.
– My life is complete because you are a part of it.
– There is no one else in the world that could love me the way you do.
Happy Anniversary and I love you with all of my heart.
Be well, be thoughtful, and make this a special day for your wife or significant other.