I’d be wearing the lampshade at the apocalypse party
December 14, 2012
Against the grain of the Doomsday Culture, I’m flying in a plane on Dec. 21.
I truly didn’t put two-and-two together – that I was booking a flight on the day the entire Earth would implode, explode or be invaded by aliens or zombies – until after I’d already confirmed my reservation. No wonder I got such a deal on tickets.
I’ve decided not to get a refund. My little family will board that plane and just hope for the best. What good is a refund if humanity’s existence is wiped away in a single solar strike? Do I really need credit in the aftermath of the apocalypse?
When I told my co-workers at the Sky-Hi News about this – that I’m traveling on a day that has been feared since 3,000 B.C. – the guys in the office embarked on a 15-minute debate about how my 150-passenger Airbus would drop toward the earth from a freakish interruption of the plane’s controls.
We’re off to see family in the Bay area for baby’s first Christmas. And I see a stiff martini in my future if we actually land. In the shadow of a prophesized tidal catastrophe, there’s nothing like leaving the safe altitude of the Rockies for the unprotected coastline.
If the doom prophesies do ring true, don’t bother raiding my home for supplies while I’m gone. My emergency preparedness magnet is stuck to our refrigerator, and so far, that’s the extent of it.
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I went onto the National Geographic Channel’s Doomsday Preppers website recently to find out my Preppers Score, just for curiosity’s-sake. According to it, we’d survive after a major catastrophe for an unimpressive two to four weeks. I think the best thing going for us is where we live, which is rural and near trout-filled lakes, creeks and rivers.
I’m not too concerned about the score. I really don’t think extra bottles of water or cases of ramen are going to help me if the entire Planet Nibiru ends up wedged in our Earth’s core. Tackle that, FEMA.
Doomsday preppers everywhere are burying tanks and buses in backyards, stocking up on everything from guns to radiation suits. There’s even one woman who has created a slew of recipes for gourmet meals made only with shelf-stable ingredients.
Not meaning to dismiss these actions, but in my imaginary doomsday prepping, party favors would be high on the list. Whether it’s the end of the earth, or the survival of it, celebration is in order. We celebrate the end of each calendar year, why not the end of all time?
NASA is calling the prophesy conspiracies more or less hogwash.
“For any claims of disaster or dramatic changes in 2012, where is the science?” asks NASA.gov in a piece called “Beyond 2012: Why the World Won’t End.”
“Where is the evidence? There is none,” NASA continues, “and for all the fictional assertions, whether they are made in books, movies, documentaries or over the Internet, we cannot change that simple fact. There is no credible evidence for any of the assertions made in support of unusual events taking place in December 2012.”
This gives me a little more comfort about my upcoming flight, as I try to ignore the zillion other Internet entries about all the coincidental events taking place that do line up with prophesies.
Like religious interpretations of what may come – saving all the good, slaying all the evil. But whether you believe in Christianity’s Armageddon, Buddhism’s Shambhala, Islam’s The Hour, Judaism’s Day of the Lord, or Hinduism’s god Vishnu, let’s hope it ends up a restoration of the planet rather than its destruction.
With that in mind: Happy Holidays!
And may your world be filled with … well … more world in the New Year.