MPHS Open Book: The Middle Park Enquirer
December 9, 2008
ο Frosty the Snowman is the proud father of three pygmies. However, the children were immediately seized by child services because they had reason to suspect that Frosty would split by the end of winter.
ο On Dec 1st, school officials discovered portraits of George “Dubbya” Bush painted in fecal matter on every pupitre*. The newspaper staff is suspected.
ο The Great Wall of China is missing, the school newspaper staff is suspected.
ο R. Kelly is still trapped in the closet¬¬↓Further news on this story as it develops.
ο TERROR ALERT! A student entered MPHS Monday morning wrapped in summer sausage for a picnic later that afternoon. He was suspected of terrorism and gunned down. The school newspaper staff is suspected.
ο It has been discovered that Obama’s ears pick up satellite television. He enjoys such shows as : Golden Girls, America’s Got Talent, and Paris Hilton’s: My New BFF.
ο The 70-year-old men of Granby Town lined up outside MPHS for mass ear hair removal. The results were a success, their hearing improved tenfold.