DeVos: More childhood lessons
February 19, 2015
"I think I'll make a spinach quiche for dinner tonight," my wife said over the Denver Post.
I thought about that for a moment before asking, "Did you know deep-fried fruit bats are a delicacy in large parts of Asia? They also bake a lot of bats in casseroles."
There was a page-turning pause before she replied, "I was not aware of that. Are you moving there?"
"No, I was just musing on peculiar things that people eat."
"Quiche? Quiche isn't peculiar. Ask any French cook if it is."
"Uh-uh," I shook my head, "I'm good with quiche; it was the spinach part that got me. Spinach is a weed that thrives on cow poop."
"Not this again, please?"
"I only bring it up," I said, "because the more cow poop you add, the bigger the weed gets. I rest my case."
She buried her nose back in the paper, "That's too ridiculous to comment on."
"What's wrong with Quiche Lorraine? You know, Swiss cheese, bacon and onion? I mean, 'Remember the Quiche Lorraine' was the battle cry of the French Revolution! Why do you have to wreck everything by putting cow-poop weeds in it?"
"Weren't you moving to Asia? I'd hate for you to miss your rowboat."
"Now you're just sounding bitter. I think deep down you're envious of my vegetable-free lifestyle. Mark my words, in just a couple of years, vegetables will be shunned like gluten."
"There's nothing wrong with gluten," she said, "That's just a fad. It's proven that people who eat gluten are healthier than those who don't."
"Oh sure, try selling that to 40 million anorexic moms."
She sighed, "Did you know that a cup of spinach has less than 30 calories? On the other hand, a cup of Swiss cheese has 750 calories."
"Yes!" I said, "Finally something we can agree on. So, this means you're gonna bag the spinach idea then, huh?"
She laid down the paper and massaged her temples, "For dinner, I'm preparing spinach quiche. You may dine on macaroni and bats for all I care."
"Now wait," I said, "I'm feeling some hostile vibrations. I didn't say no to dinner, I just questioned the wisdom of adding all that cow manure to your diet. Wholesome, vitamin-packed bacon comes from Iowa while nasty mercury-laden spinach comes from China."
"Stop it! That's simply not true!"
"Bacon doesn't come from Iowa?"
"No!" she said, "Spinach does not have mercury and it doesn't come from China!"
"Then why do they stick it next to the Chinese cabbage at the grocery store?"
She stared at me, "Did your mom drop you a lot as a kid?"
"No, but she did make me eat a lot of spinach."
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