Hamilton — Satire: The Washington Warriors?
November 6, 2014
In the Virginia U.S. Senate race, the GOP contender wants the Washington Redskins to retain their name. The Democrat incumbent refuses to take a stand.
Recently, the Redskins defeated the Dallas Cowboys whose name, by the way, ignores the many contributions made by women in the winning of the West. Maybe they should be the Dallas Cowpersons? Also, those scantily clad cheerleaders are probably offensive to Muslims.
After Clarence Page of The Chicago Tribune wrote a column urging the Washington Redskins to change their name, Mr. Larry McGrorty responded to Mr. Page with a satirical email which has been edited here for brevity and for good taste:
"Dear Mr. Page:
"…I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay. We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.
"Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.
"The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60s alive. Gone. It's offensive to us white folk.
"The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.
"I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.
"Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged. We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!
"Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children. The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits. Wrong message to our children.
"The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.
"The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children. The Milwaukee Brewers. Well, that goes without saying. Wrong message to our children.
"So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing Congress loves.
"As a diehard Oregon State fan, my wife and I, with all of this in mind, suggest it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams…"
As the mid-term elections suggest, the truly offensive part of the NFL team name is "Washington," not Redskins. But if the Redskins have to go, how about: The Washington Warriors? Not only is that alliterative, the Warriors have always been this fan's favorite team.
Nationally syndicated columnist, William Hamilton, is a laureate of the Oklahoma Journalism Hall of Fame, the Colorado Aviation Hall of Fame, and the Oklahoma University Army ROTC Wall of Fame. He was educated at the University of Oklahoma, the George Washington University, the U.S Naval War College, the University of Nebraska, and Harvard University.
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