Jon de Vos: A paranormal latex alien probe for the Front Range |

Jon de Vos: A paranormal latex alien probe for the Front Range

Jon de Vos
Friday Report

To understand why Jeff Peckman wants Denver voters to establish an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, you should rent Paul Verhoeven’s cinematic treatment of Robert A. Heinlein’s 1959 novel, “Starship Troopers.” It’s a classic movie about the total destruction of Buenos Aires and the near-annihilation of all life on earth by napalm-spewing, brain-sucking bugs from the first star on the left. The movie explores the “cultural awareness” that could arise upon our first encounter with brain-sucking insects the size of a back hoe, only quicker.

According to Peckman, aliens are not myth. They are here. He claims the government has catalogued 57 humanoid varieties (Heinz Catsup) of deep-space critters and every president from Franklin Roosevelt to George the Second has hushed it up. In fact, he claims, documents verifying more than 4,000 encounters with space travelers lie in underground storage vaults that no Freedom-of-Information Act will ever penetrate. The point of the cover-up, Mr. Peckman says, is that, planet-to-planet sales-aliens have target-marketed Third-World planets like Earth, with cheap eternal fuel cells. The problem is that out of concern for the wellbeing of the oil industry, the Military-Industrial Complex keeps shooing the sales staff off to the neighboring Crab Nebula.

Nonetheless, Peckman feels strongly that we should prepare ourselves for the inevitable run-in with celestial neighbors by forming an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, comprised of 18 metro dwellers who will be charged with helping “to ensure the health, safety, and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors in relation to potential encounters of interactions with extraterrestrial intelligent beings or their vehicles.”

Makes sense. If you aren’t prepared to face up to the cultural differences you may have with an angry, brain-sucking bug, you might mistake one for your boss and never realize Earth had been toasted while you slept. Peckman thought he had a sufficient number of signatures to get the initiative on this November’s ballot but after scratching out all the Napoleon Bonaparte’s who live in Denver, they’re thinking maybe the election in May 2009 would be better.

This is not Peckman’s first rodeo. You’ll perhaps remember his 2003 effort stumping for an initiative to reduce the collective stress of urbanized Colorado through group meditation and mandatory sitar music in all public buildings. That brainstorm never caught much traction and finally languished and died.

Then Peckman met Jeff Romanek. Mr. Romanek carries the distinct honor of being America’s most alien-probed individual, claiming more than 100 personal extraterrestrial “contacts” since December 2000. Wink, wink. The out-of-this-world duo of Peckman and Romanek produced a four-minute clip of an alien head (think Charlie Brown rising out of the pumpkin patch) peering out a window. Authentic? You decide.

Bogus? Absolutely, says Bryan Bonner, head of the Rocky Mountain Paranormal Research Society who rented an alien from a costume shop and so convincingly replicated the Eerie Face in the Window Video that half the copies embedded in various blogs across the Internet mistake the fake video for the real one. (Well, actually, according to Bonner, both videos are fakes. So the fake video is the real one and the fake real one isn’t the fake one. Or is it the other way around?) Anyway, naysayers claim the whole thing is invented by Peckman and Romanek as an attention-getting-device, much like mooning the afternoon Zephyr.

Watching “Starship Troopers” may or may not help you decide if you are for or against an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, but on the other hand it’s got Denise Richards in it and she looks smokin’ hot in her skimpy little latex spacesuit. Well, it made a believer out of me, anyway.