Jon de Vos – For want of a shoe, the battle was lost
October 1, 2009
I bought a new pair of loafers. The first time I wore them I noticed my wife eyeing them. She cocked her head right, then left, and finally concluded, “Nice shoes.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Most married folk’s conversation would end right there but you probably suspected that wouldn’t happen here. I waited for the other shoe to drop and I didn’t have to hold my breath for long. After a few moments she added, “Where do you intend to keep them?”
That stopped me in my tracks because not for a second since the purchase had I given storage a second’s thought, “I … I guess if I thought about it at all, I imagined that I would put them on the floor of my closet.”
“It’s gotten pretty crowded in there lately,” she said. “Don’t you think you have a lot of shoes?”
“No,” I said, lifting my nose an inch. “I think I have just the right amount. How is it that you’re counting my shoes? Maybe I should start counting your bottles of nail polish. And anyway, some of my shoes I only wear when I’m gardening.”
She fixed her eyes out the window as if staring at some faraway mythical land that existed only in my imagination before replying, “You know, I believe the only time I’ve ever seen you with a trowel in your hand, you were scratching your back with it.”
“Yeah,” I said, “but I was wearing shoes while I was scratching, huh?”
She stared at me for a minute before replying, “There’s this cottonwood tree out in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada, where people have tied the laces of old shoes together and flung them up into the branches.”
“So?” I asked.
“Oh, I dunno, I was just looking at that lodgepole out in front and thinking how we could get some spare storage around this joint.””Yeah?” I challenged, “well, for your information, Imelda Marcos had 2,700 pairs of shoes. Compared to her, I’m strictly bush league.”
“Marcos? Didn’t she and her husband loot billions from the Philippine people?”
“Yeah,” I replied, “what about it?”
“I’ll bet she had plenty of closet space.”
Try as I might, neither I, nor Imelda Marcos can hold a candle to New York’s Saks Fifth Avenue department store’s eighth floor where you can browse among 100,000 pairs of designer shoes casually laid out in an area so large that the U.S. Post Office has assigned it a ZIP code, kid you not, it’s 10022-shoe. Prices begin at $200 with a lowly pair of Burberry boots and quickly escalate on up to a nice Dior Polaire Mid-Shaft Platform Boot sensibly priced at $1,050. Manolo Blahnik alligator boots have been marked down to a low, low $14,000 in a token nod to the state of the U.S. economy. The store also sports an express elevator, two restaurants and a VIP shopping area complete with armed guards.
On the other hand, if you’re interested in some used shoes, you could opt for the “diamond dream” stilettos worn by Anika Noni Rose of “Dreamgirls” to the 2007 Oscars. The shoe is a collaboration between premier luxury shoe designer, Stuart Weitzman, and Kwiat, New York’s leading diamond jewelry company, to create a pair of diamond laden dream shoes that would grace any woman’s ankle for a mere $500,000,. Financing is available, but only if you don’t need it.
– Jon de Vos is available at firstname.lastname@example.org and welcomes your comments.
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