The Avs are like the Broncos who are like the statue |

The Avs are like the Broncos who are like the statue

Devon O'Neil / My $0.02
Breckenridge, Colorado

Welcome to the inaugural analogy edition of this column, where we begin with the Broncos, the NFL’s answer to the New York Mets ” a team that can’t seem to figure out if it wants to be the pigeon or the statue.

It’s looking more like the statue lately, and not just because statues don’t score points or tackle punt returners.

Denver got blown out by Kansas City earlier this season, still the only game the 1-10 Chiefs have won this year, before getting blown out by Oakland on Sunday.

As a reminder, getting blown out by Oakland in today’s NFL is like getting beaten up by a band of Quakers if you are the Hell’s Angels.

Because this column runs in Bronco Country, I tend to seek rays of hope when I address Denver’s chances. I look for stats that encourage a positive future, like how all their injuries mean they’ll be tough to scout come playoff time. (Really?)

But just as Lyle Lovett never deserved Julia Roberts, these Broncos ” still in first place, I recognize, two full games against equally wretched San Diego ” no longer deserve such optimism.

Instead, these Broncos deserve the Jets, the hottest team in the NFL, and they’ll get them next week. Rain your creamy excrement, New York Pigeons. Denver’s statues will catch it. …

If you still don’t think the current college football championship system stinks ” and although I hate to keep harping on this, I don’t comprehend how you couldn’t ” consider this: the top two teams will play for the national title, right? Well right now, Texas is No. 2 in the BCS, Oklahoma is No. 2 in the coaches’ poll and Florida is No. 2 in the AP poll.

Oh, and in both polls, Texas is ranked fourth, behind the Sooners and Gators (and No. 1 Alabama).

The BCS is about money, I understand that. But since I don’t get any of that money and neither do the rest of you, complaining is the only outlet.

Watching such a ludicrous climax to such an excellent sport is like courting a supermodel for months, only to find out she’s asexual. …

After stumbling to a 1-3 start, the Nuggets are 8-2 since they traded the Answer for Chauncey Billups, including road wins over the Spurs and defending champion Celtics.

We’re not even 20 percent of the way through the regular season, but this is a vastly different team than the one on which Iverson and Carmelo Anthony were scoring 28 points apiece every night. Those Nuggets were like chickens ” they could fly, but only so high.

I honestly believe these Nuggets have a shot. …

The Avalanche, meanwhile, have no such thing. Combine a pathetic offense with a few ill-timed injuries and, perhaps most notably, waning fan interest (attendance at a game last week was the second lowest in Pepsi Center history), and you’ve got this year’s Avs: 9-10-0, third from last in the Western Conference, a team boasting only one guy with more than five goals.

They’re like the Broncos, and I mean that in a horrible way. …

A Florida State football player winning a Rhodes scholarship, as defensive back Myron Rolle did last weekend, is about the most unexpected news you could imagine that school putting out.

It’d be like Alaska giving a grizzly bear its Nicest Animal Award. …

Stat of the Week: Five of the top seven quarterbacks in the nation, ranked by passing efficiency, are from the Big 12. …

Everyone in Philadelphia is always so busy ripping Donovan McNabb a new one that he doesn’t get the credit he deserves for how well he handles himself as a professional athlete.

Someday, however, he will, because just as a cheesesteak coma eventually wears off, time helps even the nuttiest fans realize a player’s personal virtues. …

In parting, Pacman Jones’ latest reinstatement to the NFL carries strict terms ” any future conduct violation will result in a lifetime ban for the Cowboys corner.

I’m sure the guy has changed his ways, but if I were a betting man, I’d still take the under on that one, just like I’d take the wolf over the poodle any day of the week.

” Breckenridge resident Devon O’Neil’s $0.02 column runs Tuesdays. He can be reached at

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