Teen Views: Middle Park Enquirer
February 23, 2009
– Russian cyclists were found naked, cruising Agate Avenue late Friday evening. They came by way of ice bridge from Siberia, and were allegedly searching for the Ride the Rockies registration tent.
– Caution: Pasty, sun-deprived high school students will drive at high speeds in search of food, Monday through Thursday, lunch time.
– Farra Fawcett has challenged Joaquin Phoenix to a Battle Royale to the death for upstaging her on Letterman. Pay per view only, April 20, 2009, $49.99
– Text Messaging has officially been proven to make us more dumberer. JK! But Fo’ Reelz.
– Included in this week’s stimulus package: 18 trillion dollars toward designing new “Welcome to…” signs at every state border crossing. The new signs will immediately detect your religion, ethnicity, and last bowel movement.
– 50-Year Forecast: Partly cloudy and hazy, with a 40 percent chance of disaster.