de Vos: An embarrasment of riches |

de Vos: An embarrasment of riches

Jon DeVos
Staff Photo |

Are you crazy about Donald Trump? Well maybe you’re just crazy, crazy for a fundamental change. America and its current political stripes can only be described as crazy. We’ve elected crazy leaders who will grind the nation to a halt to score petty political points. We have crazy leaders who coddle the one-percenters at the expense of the rest of us. Crazy ourselves, we elect crazy leaders who deprive minorities the right to vote and women the right to think.

Naïve, I thought crazy couldn’t get any crazier, but half the nation is poised to elect a man who’s crazy about himself. Just listen to him. How proud we can all be to have a president who embodies the best this nation has to offer.

Step-by-step, here’s how Donald as America’s Commander-in-Chief will make America great – again.

On himself:

“The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”

“My IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure; it’s not your fault.”

“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”

“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”

“Look at those hands, are they small hands? And, [Republican rival Marco Rubio] referred to my hands: ‘If they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”

On women:

“I would never buy Ivana any decent jewels or pictures. Why give her negotiable assets?”

“Yeah, she’s (his daughter Ivanka) really something, and what a beauty, that one. If I weren’t happily married and, ya know, her father …”

“If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

“All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

“Women have one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression ‘the weaker sex’ was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part.”

On the military and international affairs:

“I have a very good brain.” So good, in fact, he says “I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me.”

“By the way, torture works.”

“There’s nobody bigger or better at the military than I am“

“You have to take out their families. When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives, don’t kid yourself. When they say they don’t care about their lives, you have to take out their families.”

“The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”

Then Donald uttered the truest bit of irony any candidate has ever dared:

“One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”

Understand there’s no small part of me (pun intended) rooting for Donald, it’ll be an opportunity for pundits like we haven’t seen since Dan (potatoe head) Quayle.

If only the outcome weren’t so dire.

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