DeVos: Trump this |

DeVos: Trump this

Jon DeVos
Staff Photo |

Boy there’s so much anger and hostility in America today. Websites, blogs, TV and all the news are filled with supremacist rants, racist rants, jihadist rants, shootings, bombings and beheadings.

Surely there must be a laxative out there that can cure all this nastiness. Of course I think there is or I wouldn’t have raised the issue. The key is in our hands, literally, lying there in our 2016 presidential ballots. There is one man in the herd of candidates poised to redefine the American dream. One among all the contenders is different. And history has proven that one man can make all the difference. In 2016, that man is Donald Trump, who’s solidly in second place in the Republican elephant race. Furthermore, he’s quickly closing the gap on frontrunner, Jeb Bush.

The Donald, as president, more than any other candidate could hoist this nation by its bootstraps and turn us into a global laughingstock. This is not a bad thing. No laughing person has ever been beaten and tortured. Also, when people are laughing it takes their minds off lighting fuses and swinging scimitars. We need leaders we can laugh at, not with.

It would be a strategic comedic platform to have a U.S. president with an orange comb-over but that’s exactly the point. Picture the Donald and Putin strutting into an arena to wrestle a hungry albino Siberian tiger. One look at the Donald and Putin explodes into belly laughs and loses his iron focus for a moment; tiger eats Putin. I rest my case, an awesome demonstration of the power of humor.

Critics say the Donald is weak in foreign affairs, but few of them know that for the last year, Trump has been secretly meeting with Kim Jong-un, president of North Korea to discuss gel hair products. Kimmy, as people who are about to be beheaded refer to him, was so fascinated by the Donald that he promised to drop his nuclear ambitions in exchange for the Donald’s hair stylists. Donald was so amused by the little fella’s proposal that he patted him on the head, disturbing his ridiculous coif and touching off a nasty international spat. Trump made amends to the North Korean leader by sending him Japan.

There were probably a million Trump piñatas under construction before he finished a press conference on immigration last week. He said horridly obtuse things about Hispanics, blaming them for every American problem except stupid presidential wannabes. Consequently, his papier-mâché image is being beaten like a rented mule across the length and breadth of Mexico. The Donald has clearly written off the Hispanic vote but for a smart rich guy, he’s made a dumb poor move.

There’s a growing list of companies dumping him like last week’s mackerel. Even though Serta is dropping the Trump Luxury Mattress, the Donald says he won’t take this lying down. He’s started suing companies that are cancelling agreements with him on the tried and true legal basis of having enough money to do so. His reach may have exceeded his grasp, however, if he takes on Carlos Slim, the Mexican billionaire who just cancelled all future plans with Trump, calling him a racist. Carlos Slim is rich enough to buy the Donald and use him for a footstool, if he chose.

We’ve seen that idiocy is not an impediment to the White House. It’s time to put some joy back in politics. We need Trump in the White House like the world needs a good laugh.

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