Friday Report: Christian Bale as Superman … or not? |

Friday Report: Christian Bale as Superman … or not?

Jon de Vos
Friday Report

“Have you seen the new Alex Baldwin movie? You know, that one where he’s a real loser but the nation goes crazy about him because the whole presidential election rests on his one vote? I haven’t seen it yet, but I just love Baldwin, he was the best in

An Officer and A Gentleman.”

“Hm, I haven’t seen it yet, either. Say, are you sure he was in Officer and Gentleman? I thought that was Gary Sinise. Or was it Richard Gere?”

“No, no, I remember, it was Kevin Costner. Him and Gene Hackman. Remember, everybody thought Costner was a KGB spy. It was a great movie. . . wait, is that the one where. . . was it Tom Hanks? Maybe I’m thinking of A Few Good Men. Who was it in that one?”

“Which one?”

“Oh, you know the one I’m thinking of, it’s the guy who played that Italian guy in that great old movie, oh, what was it’s name? He was a mafia hit man who dumped his girlfriend to take up with, uh, you know, that actress who played Jessica Rabbit, anyway, remember, she tries to kill him. It was a fantastic movie and . . . oh yeah, Goodfellas, no, that wasn’t it. Remember it was such a big hit. I’d watch it again if I could remember . . . what was her name.”

“Wasn’t it Lana Turner? She played in that TV series ‘Dallas’, didn’t she? I think it was her. She didn’t play Jessica Rabbit, that was a cartoon. Maybe they just used her voice.”

“Just her voice? Man, that’s not real acting. Tom Hanks, now, he’s a real actor. Remember how cool he was in Top Gun?”

“He wasn’t in Top Gun, you’re thinking of Brad Pitt. You know, he’s got a brother who’s trying to be an actor, too. I think his name is Dirk or something. Who’s your favorite actress?”

“Oh, man, hands down, it’d be Natalie Portman. She was fantastic in Sin City, man, it’s like she was on-fire hot.”

“She wasn’t in Sin City, that was, you know, what’s her name? Scarlett O’Hara? No, oh, God, how could I forget? She was in, uh, that one with the comedian, that guy in Ghostbusters? Oh, yeah Dan Akroyd. . . no, wait . . . was it Jack Nicholson? He wasn’t in Ghostbusters, but I might be thinking of Nacho Libre or some other movie he was in. No, it wasn’t Nicholson, I can see a picture of him right here in my mind, uh, shoot, you remember, he was a groundskeeper at a golf course and he kept blowing up things, uh, oh heck, Rick Moranis was in it too, I think.”

“Wait, wait, I know the one you mean, wasn’t that the one right after the one where he the bowling guy with no hand, you remember, he was, uh, Lloyd Bridges! The Dude! That’s it. I knew I’d remember. What was that other movie he was in, where Tommy Lee Jones was messing around with Anjelica Houston. She was hot, too.”

“Yeah, but my all-time hot scene was when that monster-guy was about to glom onto Kirsten Dunst in Batman Two. Remember all his arms waving around while he walked? That was cool. Man, look at the time, I gotta run to catch the matinee of . . . what’s that new one with Nicholas Cage? Oh, you know the one I mean. Gotta run.”

“Well, I sure have enjoyed talking about the movies. It’s great to run into somebody who knows as much about them as I do.”

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